September 30, 2003  
What the hell? This has got to be one of the stupidest things ever. Its nothing to do with the issue of euthanasia, for fucks sake, this is someone killing themselves for entertainment purposes. I can understand that they are terminally ill, but holy crap how retarded is that? To kill yourself on stage infront of thousands of people?
Yeah ok, they have the 'right to die' but to make it viewable to everyone in the audience? I don't think so.

This band is also known for other live onstage stunts like "grinding up live rats in a blender." EXCUSE ME, ANIMAL RIGHTS?!
September 29, 2003  
I saw a daddy long legs at work today (McDonalds)
First time in the year and a half I've worked there that I've seen something natural.
Yeah. this is the new shit right here, right here. More ramblings from the other computer.
Sorry about the lack of dates. All in the last 2 days though.

I just made a nice very chocolaty bowl of icecream, with choc-orange ice magic lavishly treated all over it... I'm gonna wait till it melts, hard chocolate with smooth runny cream. I like it like that, like fairly melted. Its just my preference.

Ahh its so weird, Stacey fully loves me. Maybe I'm just great compared to the last one, Jen 'Sway' wilson. Ah well, she's fucked up.
Yeah, I told Nathan today that I wanted a break. Not to break up, I totally adore him beyond anything, but I... I haven't been single this whole year, and there are a few interesting boys out there I wanna know better (W, B, D, and J)

I won't... W's not interested, B's got a girlfriend and D just 'wants a piece of ass' according to Julie. Same with J.

But I can dream, can't I?

I went to Will's tonight. It was pretty sweet, we watched Australian Idol and some charity swimming race with Ian Thorpe. It was a pretty good idea, good luck to them. (ROXIE)

Its so odd. Being stoned is all just a state of mind, this stuff doesn't do that much to us, but if we have self belief that we are, in fact stoned, then we're gonna play off that to the max. Like most of the time when I've written SWC entries, I really haven't been that gone. If I had smoked as much as I'd like to think, I'd be hurling over a toilet somewhere, spinning out and sweating to the max. I really can't take ecstasy or speed or any of that shit. That'd kill me, or send me psychotic, seriously. I am on the verge of drifting into a hopeless pit of psychosis and paranoia. I would be even more so, if on ectsasy. Can you imagine that? Wearing crazy clothes and being from a different world at a rave, or a Dandy Warhols/Blue Man Group double concert, that's what music would please me. COME ON NOW SUGAR!!! This is on my 'jazzy cd'. Anyway, popping a pill. Oh but its so chilling. The way I used to be into Trance... or cuz it makes you dance, put on Chicago or Moulin Rouge or something like that. That sorta music is AMAZING. I cannot get enough, and I think I have an abnormal fetish with that look, the corsets, the attitude and especially the fishnets. I love the fishnets. I have a pair of wide spread red fishnets full lengths from Route 66. The other day I bought a honeycomb thick black knee-high stockings with black stoppers (thick bits of material at top) But those have broken like ALREADY. Grrr. I should have k ept the receipt. That was crappy quality, I paid something like 8 bucks for it too. Goddamit. Atleast they had them at Target, they don't have them at many places. Oh how I love the Betty Page / Satine / Velma Kelly / Roxie Hart / Charity Valentine / Marylon Monroe look. Its amazing.

I'm too much into the whole lesbian thing, maybe I really am bi perhaps. Or I'm just trying to get attention while being a bit curious. I don't like the physical act, playing around with some other girls punana ain't cool, but the relationship is such a beautiful thing, and I have noticed that alot of true lesbians are really smart and opionated, a real turn if your into the other person being a dominatrix, like me. Hahahha, why am I saying this on a blog that anyone can read. Next thing you know I'll be having a porn cam and one of those cams showing her showers or those 24/7 nympho cams. Hahahahaa, or NOT.

I'm gonna go.

BYE KIDS!!!! (thanks, pat)

2 minutes later.

Ahh, just to get prepared for doing my homework comfortablly I turned the music off, took my bra off and put ben's big orange and blue Mossimo jumper and mismatching explorer socks... ofcourse with my old school tracky dags... They're newish, but I love em and I don't feel like a geek wearing them. They're wonderful, have to be one of my favorite clothing items I own, any Kilvington girl would say that. Almost as famous as Scotchpants... hahaha, school sports pants that are famous. WHAT THE?
Ok, now I really have to do some homework..

Errr I'm gonna put on American Beauty's Plastic Bag Theme (Jakatta - American Dream) THEN I'll do my political.. or maybe media.

You sound like Louis Burdett - The Whitlams

Very piano based jazzy upbeat song thats different to all the other Whitlams work. Based around Melbourne, with poetic twists ala Tim Freedman.
Its an amazing piece, with brass and that great stringy bass and the magnificent vocals of tim freedman, he really suits the band.

Its all about friends being completely wacked out and all the fun experiences with them, "Where would I go on holiday?" saying you don't wanna leave your friends. If your in Melbourne living it up celebrity styles you're having the best time of your life.

"stoned in a bookshop, sobre in a nightclub" - it really says something about Freedman, although I know what its like being stoned in odd situations and completely straight and bored in a nightclub/dance party.

Now I'm listening to the faint sounds of Grandpa's music, some oldies station. Although I occasionly recognise the music.

Yay I got it on my brothers laptop so it doesn't open TXT files with internet explorer, meaning I have to go to Notepad, THEN open it. Woop yeah

Ska Festival with RBF, Forces of Evil, Save Ferris, Royal Crown Revue ect... omg, skagasm.

haha Skagasm. I'm lying here in bed listening to a 'punk' cover of Mrs Robinson by Simon and Garfunkel... man they were odd, and the whole idea of the bachelor... age difference fuck!!! and its only 11:25 am... dude, i have till 4 o'clock to do what I want. I should probably study. But I know I probably won't. Well I'll atleast attempt it.

Very djish congos pearl jam intro. its like jungle style with a streak of rock guitar.

Its track 4 of Lovely, just after You sound like Louis Burdett - Whitlams. Definately Pearl Jam. getting tired. typing with one hand. its so slow to do it, I like to do it fast (hahaha, i'm doing it fast right now, goddamit and I iknow i can do faster then this too.)

Hmm I want Brad Mcleod to have a party so I can bum with him and tracey and hang out with Jonny Bellew, he's so funny.

Now I'm listening to a whole bunch of RHCP.. its a really fast intro, track 144. nice guitar riff. all aroudn the world we can make time, rompin anda stompin.
bout the muthafuckin... california

i know i know for sure
that life is beautiful around the world.

Its all about the RHCP boys being California boys at heart although the rest of the world is beautiful too. These guys are trippers.

It sickens me to see how the supposed image of rock and punk rock, and all alternative trends have become mainstream, now that the mainstream have run out of ideas. Fuck that. Today I saw the glossy cover of “total-girl magazine” Dolly, with the yellow and pink cover of a daytime TV star.

But flip to the back, and you shall be faced by a Maybelline ad, featuring the huge models the owners of the media MADE! And digitally altered it. But no, it clearly says “DIAMONDS ROCK!” and shows a picture of a party girl in ‘rock star’ clothes.
Goddamn hell, get some ideas Mainstream, don’t rip off the true people who don’t follow your pathetic way. And get off my turf, your making it look bad. Advertising is MY thing and I'm gonna change it to be better around the world and promote the confidence of people rather than crushing it. Its evil.

Natural funky perfume arty farty ads are pretty cool too. I really want to get into advertising. I should check the TER requirement for RMIT. Infact, I'll do that now.

Note to self, email blogger asking for help with archives, I can't get them.

all posh ladida.............. do you
want fries with that? -- idea of maccas catering a deb.

OMG embo im 15
now i can get into movies and get proper jobs
September 27, 2003  
All this next bit has been blog entries S.W.C (email me if you wanna find out what that means) in my room. The most recent entries are at the bottom and there are some GOOD links i promise you!

This is so weird... Tahoma like font... its odd.
I'm sitting here, and i've just been intently playing Jones in the fast lane (a great old school

game by Sierra) and I haven't smoked anything (much)
It really has gotten to the stage, where do I even care about the guilt placed on me for smoking

so much, so often? School holidays are coming up... one guess what that means for me. Oooh yeah

thats right. 2 week session. Woop yeah! but still, i'm overdoing it abit.. I was in a really

shitty mood with rene in the city, its his day before his birthday, so he was sposed to feel

good, rarara.But I was shitty cuz I had a cold and I couldn't score. DAMMIT
Finally I got some off one of Rob Manley's dodgy mates, Luke... But his shit is gooooooooooood.

and with my pipe? And the way I rip it?

yes, it is the good shit. right here, right here
(that should be made into a song)

note to self: read stoner writings when you can to reflect back on *that* state of mind.
Anyway I shall go, I have another cone to have


A few hours later. Well, I saw the play, (the wiz) and it was pretty fantastic. Will kinda bought

it down for me, cuz he hates productions but I thought it was totally fab. Probably abit too

unrealistic for Will, but oh well I spose thats his problem. Its strange.. I'm attracted to that

boy... the quick learning quick speaking smart pom. But I'm not physically attracted to him... it

only seems in conversations that he'll let little hints to say he likes me.

like one time he goes "Oh theres a girl here I like" after interrogation, it wasn't a girl from

the play... who else did he know who was here?

also another time, we were talking about lifts home and he said "nah i'll just catch the bus"

like he was done with being around me, (i'm annoying) or just ... seemed weird, and he said "I'm

predisposing" ( i really have to find out what that means)
and yeah... i can't imagine myself having sex with him.. but I do'nt know. he has really nice

skin, and is just so interestign to talk to.. even if he does remind me a hell of a lot like alex

darbyshire. its kinda scary... also as alex is out of my life, i get attracted to the new smart

stoner kid on the block

Ahhh, old memories of way back when I used to be forced to listen to this cd and many others

(mostly of my hated simply red)

well tongiht was fun. My right leg is warming down as i was next to the heater cleaning out my

pipe, an almost daily routine before I have a sesh. Tonight was interesting, kate sleeth fully

abused me, and I got really upset, drunk a fair bit of wine at La Porchetta's, made myself throw

up in the toilets, got Kate H upset, went home, smoked a j with Mum who was on the piss again

(Boyd's comments about that really jabbed me, seriously)
and dad yelled at me, as I caressed my mixing tin, as I have just chopped up the rest of my

weed... the weed in the j was fingerchopped, but this is gonna be gooooooooooooood. ahh the sweet

musky smell of doing something you know you shouldn't be doing, and tumbling down the rabbit hole

of sanity and straightness. Oh how I love to be stoned. I kept sayign "I like being stoned"

yesterday, it was kind of freaky in a way, I'm sure of it. Well I have atleast 3 cones worth... I

shall go smoke now. tata.

Its really quite funny
I havent' smoked yet. And finally a play of conscious is running through my head, it makes me

think, should I do this? Will this ever stop? Will it lead onto harsher drugs? etc etc.
But at the same time, a real rush of rage goes through my body... the raspy voice box, the aching

back, the pained shoulders, the salty dried tears on my face. I just don't care anymore. Thats

the basic truth of it, I really don't care. What is the point anymore? I'm trying so hard to

please work and school, and I don't have any time for myself. This is my only pastime. Let me

have it. Its the only way I can escape. And if I put myself in a positive frame of mind, it

should be ok. But its really odd, before after I smoked with Mum, I found it exhilerating to

'dob' her in to Dad, and to start confrontation with people, whether I'm involved or not. She's

too pissed now to even realise, and I put some strong bud in there.

I'm smiling right now.


Just smoked a full cone, not ripped it though like I normally do with pipes (supposedly)
waiting for it to kick in.
ooh i just shivered.
i'll wait till soon I have the munchies, and I have half a cheesecake.


no munchies yet, but
Whoah, total silence there for a second. I'm gonna turn on music and right stoned album reviews.


Oooh an album for that funky funk jazz music is.
Dave K gave me this. It starts off with a solid bassy pipe beat, playing funny little tunes,

going a bit faster, inserting a drum beat.
In comes piercing a strong weirded-out guitar/black church organ, and somewhere a clap. This

takes good influences of swing's off beat\ culture, the three main players, the guitar and the

bassy beat and the drum beat. SOon trumpets enter and play well with the music giving it an up


Ahhh the roots of soul, funk and jazz, (as well as swing and ska) are like gods, to all forms of

rhytmn, seeing it as sensual. It's always been kind of sensual, the bronx, etc.

Trumpets start echoing through bad equipment like the guitar was.

EYECHECK: pretty red

ends with a beeping sound and cosmic fading.

What about that munchie? mmm feels good. not what i wanted to say.


Second track lots of use of church organ being distorted in fast raging pace.
End of second track makes me me think how stoned can I feel.
Very urban street like jazz, its great. Keeps that classic feel.
third track opens up with weird surroudn sound airplane coming closer to ground, scary and

attention seeking intro... goes on to old guy's badly recorded speech so you pay attention...

while keeping a reasonably steady 4:4 beat *Yeah... I know music WOOP), occasionally little

woodwind pipes beoing blown out of proportion.Great bass riff by itself and faint drumbeat,

besides snare.
Keep on tracking the story, its meaning about a guy travelling places, talking about Phoenix,


Weird Austin Powers like bass play that swings up and down the registar.
Swings in and out during whole song, basically the beat is smooth, but the offbeat is strong

enough to keep you off beat partially, which is not the aim in listening to this... its more

about being able to identify the beat which the offbeats lace around. Thats a great way of jazz

appreciation. Another appreciation method is smoking a pipe to get rid of your troubles. Which I

have done.

Intro of 5 is pretty boring and mindless and too off key... makes me feel dizzy. So here I am

infront of a computer screen. Track 5 really doesn't do it for me, very dissapointing.
Track 6 is a weird jungle beat intro, which slows down and has cosmical arrays of distorted fairy

dust. But it continues to have same beat with stupid off key organ.
Good intro of heavy jungle drums though, sudden drop in other music.

track 7 sounds like someones talking underwater or something... off key, a few tweaks. What the

fuck? this isn't jazz at all, maybe funk.
I've been appreciating funk alot more lately. I really should listen to more jazz music whilst

stoned, it keeps me in this weird beat. I should try to stay in that beat all day, see how

relaxed I feel.
The musician takes you on a journey. I wonder if this would be jewish jazz music. It'd be funny

if it was. Few religious influences, as like Moby. Odd outro, doesn't blend at all. Enter actual

every day sounds like birds singing, and steam train going past.

Track 8 Birds singing again. Weird trippy journey through darky green forest

track 9, short creepy up and down journey.

track 10, more urban and smooth, airline announcement or something. keep smooth beat, every day

song. addictive catch line.. I bet I'll get sick of it soon.
"Ha, I'm female so I can review whoever I want as intensely as I want to."

Track 11. Lots of bass, dropping oddly and egyption rhythm style. Distorted Guitar/Organ. Its

like a really stuffed up group amp or something, but good drums.
how cool would those three chord guitar bits be on that crazy amp.
There sounds like a harmonica in there for abit but maybe not.
The off guitar/organ continues to rampage through a lengthy chunk of the song. It escapes it

andbecomes more long winded notes. Going to a range of 4 in nokia ring tone composing.

Track 12. Oddness intro of distorted guitar. Then samples of people singing and praising or

something. Add a cosmic ping pong of weirdness. This is them. Sounds like small animal attacking.
Its odd. Grinding crap sound.. stuffy amp. More samples. And more little bass beats, maintaing

basic same beat the whole time, with a few added bits. Ends on a strong collection of samples.

Track 13. Just chill, its almost over... just one more song, we're closing up here. Good use of

plain snare drum. Gives a scratching hip hop feel to it. Odd samples and workups and workdowns.

Little congo beat fighting with samples and organ. All in frenzied comic circle. Enjoy your self

discovery through a medium of substances. Thats Alex D for you!
Substances don't create self discovery, brains take self discography.

Track 14. opens as a tv sample of people from crappy b-grade horror film.... then a smooth beat

comes in, but tv show keeps playing as people scream. suddenly goes off. thunder in background.

Wafty swings in and out of play with basic chordings. Kinda creepy and off putting in some bits.

Keeping to the theme of crappy b-grade horror film, of course. Fairy tale bits, interfered with

guitar, and more samples of people talking. Outro, a rad leaving of beat, suddenly turning normal

and possibly pop rock ish. this album shows alot of influence by alot of other music styles, eg,

techno, hiphop, poprock, trance, sampling, fairytale like songs (Think Frontier Psychiatrist)

Arghhhh the crappy un toned turn of the cd changer.

oh whaaaaaaaaaat
its luke's old cd, rock culture... a weird collction of songs I was forced to hear in trips to

Batemans Bay.. but now I'm older and can appreciate it abit, unlike Simple Red, who I will always

hate. Nah this song is too in beat compared to my last hearing.

Ahh, track 3, imitiation rastafarian happy cheery song to soon become sultry urban story.
acting cooooool, said he was a real man
low and behold..
totally smoooth
jonny got a motor, all in rhythm.
Oh lets go drink till the beer rund ries, that goes all boppy chrous and catch.
Surfy Jamaicans saying "ooooooooh"
"virginity blown at minimum age bottle of pills and a little on the wild side."
susie's a girl he pays to have sex with... totally fucking randoms.
AMERICAN LIFE IN THE SUMMER TIME it has a sexual connotation.
Tries to just start talking.
Great guitar riff, very smooth and great play of off beat.

Track 4, reminds me abit of powderfinger, very emotionally charged lyrics. great work of basic...

"therapy sessions were barely enough to get over obsessions.
i've been sweet and i've been good till you walked down in my neighbourhood.
TIME BOMB!!! all about a girl coming back to see a guy who still loves her.
i've been living a good life till up to now... you ruined it all
so emo... ahh the tempting vixen.
or it could be about the time bomb on people on drugs.... it sounds very likely and explains

harsh guitar riff emotional meaning.
Needs prescription.. having strange dreams again.
Could be about an ex who came back and hurt a guy very badly.
Good emo work of piano exit merging with drum and crazy guitar riff.

Track 5... WORKING ON IT (great black women back ups)
such guys song with girly peaks. Its a great album this, this compilation will be in second hand

store racks anywhere else. I wonder if it sold well. There's no one that famous on it. Track 6,

very country like song... not very interesting on the ears, except those breaking bits on the

guitar solo


Since Kate's birthday I haven't calmed down, I've been totally erratic. Time for a cone.

-- one cone later --

Its so weird, spending one day off the pot.... and going back on it in a fit of rage. That many

charged emotions... they say drug exeperiences depend on the state of mind you enter them in.

Therefore, if you are a paranoid drug user, your 'trips' will be a bad trip (with amphetamines

and particularly, acid and other hallucingens)
But if you maintain a positive attitude while taking the drug, your trip will be more pleasant.
"Absence makes the hea
I'm so annoyed. I can't go to Livid
this year. I owe people money and I've
set myself a goal that I'm going to buy a
car... although I'll probably spend it on
junk food and cigarettes.

A quote suddenly popped into my head.
"As soon as your born you start dying."
And it really makes me think. Not
necessarily in a suicidal sense but...

what the hell am I doing with myself?

Right now I'm sitting at the computer
staring mindlessly. again. Its not a
rarity anymore, its an everyday thing.
Exams are coming up, and after hours and
hours of study, I'm thinking, what does it matter?

I'm currently listening to Mad World by
Gary Jules. This song makes me cry. But
its so true. The first verse...
everything is so goddamn routine. I hate
routine, but I've never known anything
else. I haven't succumbed to my weapon of
choice against the world. I haven't had
it since last week. But I know it
wouldn't change me even if I do have it
right now.

Just wanna go to sleep. And not wake up,
till my world changes. If it ever does.

Excerpt from a conversation I had with someone I'm fighting with. Its just what I said, before they said anything:

well what do you want me to say?
what will please you?
fuck, its a rare occasion i apologize to anyone, cuz i'm that stubborn. i realised what i said, and how that just completely fucked everything up cuz i've known you for ages and shit but if your still gonna be mad at me. then theres not much i can do about it.
i'm sorry, ok.
I really am. not just because I've lost alot of friends due to all this, but because I hurt you. And thats not what I meant to do.
September 26, 2003  
I just watched Chicago with my sister and 2 of her friends... danced to Cell Block Tango and all that jazz. I've never seen it before, its great, I AM VELMA KELLY!!!
It was like old school Grease style, me and my sister arguing over which characters we were... like it really makes a difference. Oh and it was grand eating all those munchies. I highly reccomend buying Cadbury Milk Chocolate Muffins, Mmmm.

Tommorow's grand final day, and today at work I saw a whole bunch of people coming back from the Bourke St. grand final parade. I honestly don't see the big deal. Its just a bunch of guys in short shorts (Better left to Kylie) fighting over a ball.
September 25, 2003  
What? I swear to god, the Grand Final episode of the footy show is so weird and
outrageous. Right now its a Grease thing mixing football and politics... yeah
alright, righto seeya later bye.
Am I a hottie? well? (apparantly I'm better then 49% of the women on the site, SCORE)
September 24, 2003  
Great. Talking to the ex. He brings up a year old topic. FUCKEN' LET IT GO FUCKEN'!!! It doesn't matter now... ergh, going down into a slumpy mood again. Yesterday was crap, fights with family. I really just need to escape... and Richard Ashcroft was right... the drugs don't work. Any of them, legal, illegal.
September 15, 2003  
I recently read an article about blogging as journalism which really intrigued me as I am a blogger, who is also doing study on journalism, increasingly because of exams that are coming up Here is the article.

I honestly don't think blogging is on the same level as journalism, as for journalism there is a basic code and guideline how to write it, in what manner and altering forms of style. Whereas in blogging, its just an online diary, a form of expression, not necessarily reporting. Its heaps different I think!
September 08, 2003  
Well, looks like I won't be selling showbags at the show. Its fucked. Damn you M.
As I stared at the front porch in a Sunday night 5:28 sunset, it resembled a cracked house. A lifeless crappy old house with little maintenance
The brown gutter had a changing tone of old maroon, huge chunks being peeled back by sharp and jagged edges.
The walls, simply white and an eighties tone of wood structure, and all vegetation, including some in ancient dusty pots, had no colour or life to it anymore then a green of a basic foliage. Much different to other houses in the area, especially when we’re not very far at all from Brighton, the classiest, most astoundingly rich people only town of Melbourne. Brighton is possibly like this because it is the only suburb, reasonably close to the CBD, but not TOO close (to still have a suburban feel to it) and fronting a naturally beautiful beach and every front porch has beautifully maintained flowers, unlike its Jan-Brady like little sister, East Bentleigh and South Oakleigh.
It really made me think, if I did modern but cartoonish Aussie mambo-like art piece of this vision… in this same lighting and everything. It would be beautiful. I so should do that. Something to keep me occupied creatively. Plus I could start a folio of art, or practise painting, and reveal my own icon Australian suburbia images. (idea very much inspired by mambo 2001/2 summer catalogue.) If I ever get around to doing any of this.
Of course the photo of the porch leaves you thinking, whats the story inside?
Basic same as its structure. Been together for 15 years, under the same roof. Some issues we all had been through together. Cat getting nose cancer. Gran & Nanna dying, Someone very close to the familie’s alcoholism, various year 12’s. Various boyfriends, various girlfriends, various peers, various stories… had been told under this roof. However, we all differ in our ways. Like the oldest boy, he’s a textbook example of trendy but non-conformist elitist politically aware uni student… who I can see myself being very like when I hit uni, but I’ll probably be more of a hippie then a straight thinker. He’s been with his girlfriend for 2 years. Since then he’s been abit nicer and happier (He never had a girlfriend before this one)
He’s learnt many stories from his 1 and a half year job at IGA Ritchies. For god’s sake, he’s 19, and next week gets to go on a free trip to the Belgium beer gardens! What 19 year old boy would NOT want to go? Its free grog, and its classy. Still, he’s very narrowminded.
Second Oldest boy, the whiny typical emo kid “nobody likes me everybody hates me. I’ll never get a girlfriend boohoo” having to live up to the oldest, although by many standards, he beats the oldest, but academically and sporting achievements, which may seem geeky to the “What you see is what you get” dumb arse 70 something TER trendy, to the younger brother who got 96 point something in his TER, but seen as inferior to the oldest boy. I wouldn't be surprised at all if he ended up gay.
Then there’s me, the attention seeking little actress who must get her way. Supposedly. Then the youngest, the little flexible gymnast, gorgeous girl next door girl who everyones loves, because she is the baby. Mum is an overly anxious know-it-all bogan who can cry from laughter because of what the “baby” said.


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